Gays angry about Mayan enemas

Proof that no matter what you say or do, you're probably pissing someone in the gay community (or some gay community) off.

Cultural Anthropologist Outrages Gay Activists

(Washington) A firestorm has erupted in the wake of a paper cultural anthropologist Jared Diamond presented to the Mesoamerican Anthropological Association (MAA) last month in Washington, D.C. Diamond, a MacArthur fellow and National Medal of Science winner, claims to have found the function of Mayan artifacts that have puzzled anthropologist for decades. "Archaeologists have been wondered what the purpose of the long slender tubes they have found in Mayan excavations. I have now solved that mystery," reported Diamond. "The tubes purpose finally became clear to me when I discovered painted vases showing scenes of the tube's use: to administer intoxicating enemas. The vases depict a high-status figure, evidentially a priest or a prince, receiving a the enema in the presence of other people. The enema is shown as connected to a bag of a frothy, beer-like beverage--probably containing either alcohol or hualucinogens or both."

Diamond's revelation is not sitting well with some members of the gay community. Some, such as Master Wilbur of the New York City Recreational Enema League, claim that Diamond is attempting to denigrate a gay cultural practice that originated among gay men in the Nineteenth Century. "[Diamond's paper] is just another attack the role gays. No one should take his suppositions seriously. Obviously the man has an anti-gay agenda," said Master Wilbur. Master Wilbur went on to say that, "Recreational enemas originated among gays--end of story. Besides, everyone knows that beer is pretty useless as an enema."

The response by the Southern California Enema Coalition (SCEC) was more moderate. However, its 11.5 members (members of SCEC who self-identify as slaves are accorded only .5 votes) did unanimously vote to send a rebuttal letter to the MMA because Diamond failed to acknowledge that the persons depicted in the vases might be gay. At press time, the MMA had not decided whether to publish the letter in its journal.